In the quest for marriage it happens that relationships form . These could be engagements, relationships or just a very intense period of getting to know  someone exclusively. We’d like to think that we enter into a relationship and it leads to marriage but bumps happen and relationships end and we find ourselves back at square one again.

And whilst we’d love to be able to just get back on the horse and power through, find a guy and get married, the baggage and unfinished business of previous relationships can cast an overwhelming shadow over the way we approach and form new relationships.

I have covered the dangers of not getting over an ex properly in a previous blog article, what I want to focus on today is how to do that. So here are some tips to help you get out of the ex rut and start meeting and appreciating new guys.

1.   REMOVE THE ROSE-TINTED GLASSES

When you look back on ex relationships you have a tendency to wear those deceptive rose tinted glasses and think upon the good times with extreme fondness and totally obliterate the bad moments. This happens more when you are feeling down or lonely and you tend to go backwards to what you perceive was good rather than look forward to what could be better. So as negative as it sounds, do remember the bad stuff too, it will remind you why things never worked out as well as why you deserve better.

2.   BURN YOUR BRIDGES

If it’s ended and you are moving forward and finding someone new then burn those bridges. Delete his number, delete his past messages, delete his photos. Otherwise they act as an anchor holding you back in the past and unable to move forward without much stress and heartache. It may take time but be proactive, practical and move forward. Eventually you will wonder who he ever was!

3.   USE PAST EXPERIENCES TO MOVE FORWARD

Remember that guy it didn’t work out with who you thought was the best guy you will ever meet, so perfect for you that you thought you’d never be able to meet anyone else, so right in so many ways that you didn’t think you’d ever get over him? But you did. And you will get over them all. It might not feel like it now but when you meet the right guy you will realise why all those other guys were not him. Stop thinking of him as the be all and end all when there are so many other wonderful guys out there.

4.   PUT THE FOCUS BACK ON YOU

For a while your focus on been on him , your relationship and the possibility of marriage. When things end it literally feels like the end of the world because all the stuff you were occupied with no longer exists. This is when it is time to get back to you and your life and your world. The one you probably put on hold while with this guy. Focus on doing things that make you feel fulfilled, happy and content  be it retail therapy, a holiday or just a day in with a great book. Look after you and your needs now.

5.   GO SPEED DATING!!

Hear me out on this one! Yes the last thing you might want to do is meet guys but the beauty of speed dating is that it rarely ends up in marriage. Going speed dating with friends is fun, it’s fast, you can get to talk to so many guys in one evening and it helps you re enter the world of single men in a way that is non-threatening and commitment free and it helps rebuild your confidence and exercise your relationship and search muscles again! Win win!

Remember your goal is marriage and you deserve a man who you are compatible with, who is serious about marriage and who makes you happy. No man is worth holding onto if he made you unhappy!

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