This is a question I get asked a lot! It actually makes me feel quite sad that our ummah and various communities have led single Muslim women over 30 to feel this way. I have yet to read a single ayah, hadeeth, law or rule in the world that says that 30 is the absolute cut off point for not only marriage but also love,companionship, support and all the other wonderful things that come with marriage.

It’s like once a woman hits 30 her shelf life is supposedly over. The single Muslim woman over 30 finds herself in this a kind of inner battle whereby one half of her is hopeful to achieve her goal of marriage knowing deep down that she can have it while the other half of her is battling the messages being thrown at her that she is too old, not good enough, not fertile enough and much less desirable than her 20 something counterparts.

Where exactly do these messages come from?

I honestly think the biggest culprits out there are our communities and the social media content that they fuel. More often than not posts about weddings will feature  a woman who appears to be in her 20s. It’s like a lot (I of the bridal makeup artists, photographers and wedding dress designers only want to showcase their youngest l customers and uphold them as the ones who are supposed to be accessing their various wedding services.

I mean how often have you seen a Muslim bride in her 40s or 50s being applauded online? And if she is then the comments beneath the post are usually brutal. It’s no wonder women are reaching out to me daily , sometimes in tears, asking me “what’s the point at this age?

So here are a few things I want you to remember next time you’re lying awake in the depths of the night panicking about whether your time has passed. Or the next time you’re at a wedding wondering whether you will ever get to experience all of this.

1. What are the facts?

The idea of 30 and over being “too old” is simply a  bizarre social construct which our communities love to uphold and throw in our faces. I do wonder whether sometimes some of these people wish they had waited a bit or had had a choice in the matter. It feels like they are screaming at you “why aren’t you like us? Why do you get to be different?” If it were true that marriage over 30 is virtually impossible then literally no one over 30 would ever have got married in the history of the world!

2. Who are the trolls? 

The internet is full of bored, bitter, narrow minded people filling comments with hate and their backwards beliefs and let’s face it, it’s usually the men making the comments about fertility and assuming their sperm is going to be active and mobile from day one.  Just because these people are alive and active on social media doesn’t make them the norm. There are tons of good guys out there who feel very differently and have the adaab and good manners not to spew hate on the internet.

3. Where is the evidence? 

Just because the “older” brides are not showcased at the top of your newsfeed doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Do some research and find and talk to women who got married over 30 (*just check out this blog for various examples!). Look to what you can still have, not what you feel you should have achieved years ago.

4. Own your value. 

Finally remember that every woman at every age has something unique to bring to a marriage. At 30+ you have life experience, you are worldly, you don’t see the world in black and white, you’re financially stable, you’re responsible and so many other great things that will nourish a marriage. I promise you there are guys out there who want this and are looking for someone just like you.

Sister you are not a ticking a time bomb or a tin of baked beans left on a shelf. You are a whole,complete, loved and valued member of this planet.  You don’t need to give up on your goal of marriage because a few narrow minds out there are trying to bring you down. You deserve the marriage, companionship and love you desire. Your age should never hinder you from that. 

Your journey is still in progress! Enjoy it!

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