Today I am going to get a little mathematical and talk about the number 2.

One sister reached out to me and asked “if marriage is half of my deen does that mean I am not fulfilling my deen?” whilst another sister asked “if we are made in pairs then what if my pair is already married or dead?”

Whilst I am not in any way an scholar in Islam I do want to offer my perspective on these two concepts and how you can use them to move away from scarcity and towards abundance in your search.

Let’s start with the idea of Half Your Deen. Now half is a pretty big portion of something! If you were asked to give up half your salary or half your savings or even half of your possessions it would feel pretty daunting and you would feel a dent. So when sisters hear the phrase “half your deen” it seems like an awful lot of something you technically don’t have that much control over. 

You work really hard towards growing in your deen and becoming a better Muslim everyday but when you hear this phrase it can make you feel like it's not enough, as if without marriage your deen will never be complete.

I don’t believe that is the case at all and nor do I believe that this is the intended meaning behind this phrase. My understanding is that marriage is intended to make a large proportion of our obligations in Islam easier so that things like chastity and sexual desires are protected. Praying salah may become easier if there are two of you to motivate each other or giving in charity may become easier if there are two incomes. 

However I don’t for a minute believe that it means that  anyone is an incomplete Muslim for not being married. Nor do I necessarily believe that being married makes you a better or wiser Muslim. Your character, your actions, your relationship with Allah swt are your responsibility and you are more than capable of fulfilling your Islamic obligations in your own capacity.

I know sometimes it can feel like you’re missing out on certain rewards and blessings as a single Muslima. There are so many hadith about the value of wives and  mothers in Islam and, let’s face it, society often treats you like you are half a person or existing in a half life because you are not yet married. But that is not the case at all

 Allah swt is abundant in his blessings. It’s not like there is a blessings bingo card where you have to collect all of the different types of sawab in order to achieve Allah’s love.Getting married doesn’t suddenly upgrade you to a new level of the deen. It simply adds a new dimension. The same way if you were to start a new job or buy a new home, each of these things will add a new dimension to your deen. 

Now let's move onto the second number we see spoken of all the time and that is the concept of being made in pairs. 

“And we created you in pairs”

There is a common belief amongst the ummah that this means that there is one person for everyone but I genuinely don’t think that this is what this verse is saying. The belief that there is only one person for everyone creates a sense of lack and Allah swt is abundant in his blessings upon us.

Let’s take the example of someone who remarries following the death of a spouse. In fact I want to share with you the example of someone I know. A wonderful sister I know was married for over 20 years. They were deeply connected and loved each other very much and had 3 beautiful children together. One day her husband passed away very suddenly. Naturally she was devastated to have lost the love of her life. Fast forward two years on where she met and married  her current husband. They are also deeply connected and very much in love and they have added to their numbers with more children (in her 40s too might I add for anyone out there wondering if they can still have children!)

This and other such examples definitely do not feed into the idea of only one person who is made for you. I remember as a single woman wondering if my “person” was already married or was no longer living and it made me feel afraid that I had missed my chance.

I think the idea of being made in pairs simply means that there are multiple people out there who you can potentially connect with and create a wonderful marriage with. Think about your friendship over the years. When you were in school there would have been classmates you didn’t get on with and others who became your friends. The same goes for the workplace, you have your work BFFs and you have colleagues you don’t really connect with. It’s totally normal. 

The idea of pairs is definitely plural!

Remember there is nothing lacking, missing or incomplete about you. You are a complete living breathing and growing human. Your deen is what you make of it and the chances of meeting a soulmate are abundant and plenty!

Inside Get Married Over 30 we believe that a woman is whole and complete as she is and that marriage simply adds to her happiness.

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