Dear Soraya, I wish I knew how to keep a guy interested. I see ladies all round me meeting guys and those guys seem to absolutely worship them! I don’t know how they do it. I feel like I don’t know anything and there’s a secret code everyone knows. Seriously, how do I keep a guy’s interest so he wants to get married?

Today I want to talk about the concept of keeping a guy interested. I totally understand why this sister has asked this question and I am going to give you the perspective I wish I had had back when I was reading all kinds of questionable dating blogs and watching YouTube videos that promised I could “get a guy to commit” or “make him chase you”.

I know only too well what it’s like watching everyone else around you get married and wondering if they have a secret code or access to information that you don't. How did they meet a guy and then get married? What was the bit in between? What did she do?

One of the biggest mistakes I see a lot of sisters making is to find a match who seems good on paper (see blog article) then work super hard and jump through all kinds of impossible  hoops to turn the match into marriage because he doesn't seem to be reciprocating her energy or feelings.

You do not need to make anyone want to marry you.

The problem is there are so many dating “gurus” out there who are promising superficial quick wins. The people who tell you that they have a secret to get a guy to call, to chase you , to commit, to see you as a wife are simply chasing clicks, likes and subscribes . Of course if something looks like a quick and easy guide to get the thing you want, who wouldn’t want it? I mean I am guilty of clicking anything that tells me how I can lose significant weight in a week without exercising! 

However, quick solutions only create short term wins. Yes you may be able to do a thing that gets him to call you or suddenly return after an absence but the effect is short lived. You're looking for marriage which is long term. If you need to play games to get a guy to react in the way you want then you are going to be exhausted  trying to keep his interest your entire married life.

When you meet a good, decent, honest and respectable brother who is interested in marriage you will not need to keep him interested. You will both be able to communicate openly about how you’re feeling. If he’s not interested in pursuing the proposal he will tell you . The same way you will be able to tell him if you’re not feeling the connection.

If you are feeling the need to keep a guy interested, chances are he is not matching your efforts or energy in the match. I know as women we are practical, we like to make things happen, we are go getters and over achievers. BUT you absolutely do not not need to expend any energy to make someone like you or see you as his wife.

Your only responsibilities are:

• Showing up - making the time to get to know him, making room for conversation and bringing  your full self to each interactions

• Bring  your authentic self - not censoring your values, not acting in a way that is not natural to you because you believe this is what he wants to see 

• Communicating  openly and honestly - speaking up about what matters to you, setting boundaries as needed, allowing a safe level of vulnerability to open up and share ideas and voice your needs.

• Letting him know whether you are interested in talking more or not - we want the guys to take the lead but they need the go ahead too! Let him know if you are interested to meet up or talk again on the phone. And if you’re not then let him know that too.

• Deciding if you like him - checking  in with yourself to  discover how you feel in his presence, how he makes  you feel, whether he is someone whose company you enjoy and whose values you share

You are a beautiful, dignified, talented, loving and unique being. Allah swt has created you and gifted you so many amazing attributes. You are enough as you are. All you need to do is be yourself, let your values speak for you and let him get to know the real you. The right man will step up and move the earth to marry you!

Tired of feeling like you need to play games to get the ring?

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